Let's Vent

It is so frustrating to me that I am not able to do the things that I want to do!

I know its been been a while since I last wrote a blog so to catch all you up (ok there is probably only like 2 or 3 of you who actually read mine) but oh well.

I got my jaw surgery done and I have been closed up for over 2 weeks now. I am really hungry ALL THE TIME! There have been many times when I was close to cutting my wires off just to try and eat something. One time I actually got so tired and sick of not being able to eat I took off my 2 front rubber bands to try and open my mouth, not a good idea. It felt like my jaw was just going to break in half all over again. I pray that in one week I will be able to stick something of solid food in my mouth, a french fry, bread, or just anything!

I have had a lot of people tell me that they should get their mouth wired shut as a joke because of how much weight I have lost. Before my surgery I weighed 192 and after only 2 weeks I now weigh 179. I don't remember the last time I was this skinny. The only thing that I am hoping is that I my body will be more defined once I start working out again. But I am so tired of hearing people joke around with me about wanting this done to them. This is like torture, and them saying that just makes me more frustrated. I am never mean or show my frustration when they do this though, I always just give a little fake laugh and tell them "no you don't want this done to you...trust me."

That is another thing that I have been frustrated about, working out or physical activities. I can't do anything but swim...and even then I managed to get myself hurt. I was at a BBQ at my buddy Matt's house and i was just sitting in the pool cooling off, when somebody threw a waterlogged football to someone else and they accidentally hit me in my jaw. It hurt so much that I couldn't even talk or be near anyone. I just wanted to be alone. It's just my luck that I was doing nothing and I got hurt for it. I seem to always get hurt in one way or another. The doctor told me not to work out but I can't handle not doing anything so I have been just doing some sit-ups and push-ups. I need to do something or I will go crazy! And once again because of my jaw, I cannot go camping today with some of my friends. It just sucks to know that I can't do the things I used to be able to do when I wasn't with my mouth shut. It is just really frustrating. Some people might say, "oh yeah sure you can go" but with me it really wouldn't be a good idea. I get claustrophobic when there are too many people around and a lot is going on sometimes, and if that were to have happend when I went camping, well there would be nothing I could do until the next morning beacuse they are ontop of a mountain.

You would think that sitting around at home in the air-conditioning drinking milk shakes all day would be nice....but Noooooo, it definitely isn't. Especially when anything you want to eat or drink has to be put into a little bag and squeezed through a straw that you jam in the back of your mouth just so you don't starve!

Like I said, it has only been 2 weeks so far, and I have at least 4 more if not more. The recovery time is 6 to 12 weeks long so I am praying that it is going to be 6 weeks. Next Monday I get this middle plastic retanier thing taken off and the 2 front rubber bands so I am hoping that I will be able to eat a little something soon.

Im sorry, I am just venting because no one is here and no one can ever understand what I am saying. The frustration has just been building up inside me and I think it's be better to let it out on here and vent than to let it out on the people I love. I have so many people to thank beause without there help and caringness I would have had a lot harder time with this process. I am sure that I must be frustrating for them as well and for that I apologize. I just want to let you all know that I am so happy that you are in my life and that I love you. Thank you so much!