I was going through some old emails and I happen to read over this...it is my testament I wrote last August.
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I was born in Palm Springs , California but I was not always raised there. I grew up mostly there but I had also shared a lot of my childhood in Chicago . When I was first born my family did not have a home to begin with. For a while we had lived with my great grandpa ( Pa Pa ), who was a very big influence in my life later on. Then we moved and shared a house with my Aunt (my Godmother/ dad’s sister) and Uncle which we shared for a while. My Aunt and Uncle moved out due to the fact that they knew my mom and dad had me and were starting a family.
Growing up I was raised as a Catholic. I had always thought going to church was the most boring thing in the world, but my parents made me. Through my whole life my dad had never really attended church on a regular basis; he would only go on Christmas and Easter. I would always go with my mom and two younger sisters (Katie and Carolyn). I was always the goofy little boy. Always laughing and smiling, never complaining. Anyways, I had grown up on sports all my life. My dad was a huge sports fan and was a major remodel in my life. I played soccer and baseball since I was four years old. I played others too but they were my true passions when I was a kid. Always trying my hardest in what ever position I played. My dad and mom always being so proud of me. It was the greatest. I was all about sports and the way they made me feel. So sports were my life and it came to the point where it was above a lot of other things in my life.
In preschool I met my best friend to this day, Matt. We are still as close as we have ever been even though he moved to Kansas last year, but that’s ok because he is moving back now. In kindergarten I met my other best friend, DJ. You see Matt and I were always the athletic ones, that is how we were so close. DJ and I were always just goofballs and always would laugh at stupid stuff together. Turns out Matt was the same way and we became a trio. We have been best friends for a very long time now and I don’t see that changing. We always had each others backs, not matter what. They were always there for me and I could always count on them.
Being the typical Catholic I had to do my first communion and confirmation. My first communion went well and I had gone through the classes and everything, but it wasn’t til I was about 10 and had to start my classes for my confirmation did everything go wrong. Because I was always doing sports, I would not always make it to some of my classes for confirmation. So one day when I came in to class my so called “teachers” pulled me aside to talk to me. They told me not to come back to classes or even church because I was not fully committed. So the people there who were suppose to teach me, the people who I could trust, the people that were suppose to be guiding me on the right path told me not to come back at all. This sparked a major downfall in my life.
That night that I left the class, I started talking to God. Angry at Him and confused. Why would He have me kicked out of the church? I didn’t know why. I started to just rebel against Him and choose not to follow His path anymore. I would not say I was Atheist because I still believe that he existed at them time. I chose not to follow what I thought he wanted me to do or what I thought maybe he was telling me. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a bad person or mean at all…I just did not include Him in my life anymore.
As I went on into middle school I continued to follow my own path, the path that I wanted and was just all in it for me. Sixth grade was amazing! I made a bunch of new friends and classes were ok, as good as class can get. As the year passed I started hanging out with a new group, a lot were new guys that I had never met before. They were a bunch of fun guys and we just like hanging out together. We soon began to form a brotherhood amongst each other. Growing up with each other and staying friends even to this day.
That spring I decided to play little league baseball and was super excited about for it. I loved baseball! My dad had a big influence on me as a baseball player because I had grown up with him as my coach. I always sought out for his respect and for him to just be proud of me. I had played my hardest all the time and I believe that he really was proud to have me as a son. I did really well that year and I made the All-Star team! I was so happy! Nothing could bring me down, except for the fact that we were leaving to Chicago in the summer and that was when the All-Star team would play. I was really bummed out about not being able to play, especially since I had work so hard.
Seventh grade was about the same as the last, school wise anyways. But when spring came around and Little League had come, I was ready to play but not too excited as last year. I knew that if I made the team again that I wouldn’t be able to play because we would just leave again. Still I tried my best and again I made the All-Star team, but I just got over that fast. I figured what’s the point if I know that I’m not going to play. Little did I know my parents had talked and knowing how sad I was about last year, they decided that I could stay and play this summer. My mom and sisters flew out to Chicago and my dad and I stayed home.
That summer was one of the best in my life and I will never forget it! Playing baseball all summer long was truly a joy my heart had longed for. That summer, as a team, we only had one goal…to make it to the Little League World Series. This was a major turn around in my life because it was at this time that I discovered that I could be a leader and remodel for others. Through that point on I was looked at one of the captains on the team, not because of my pep talks before the games but through my actions on the field. I never once let the other team get the best of me. I remember my dad always tell me to “stay within myself.” I never knew that that meant until later on in high school but I somehow still did what he told me. I would never try to do too much or worry about what the other team was saying to me. I would always play the game how I knew it. We were one game away from making it to the World Series and that was my first true heart ache. I had never wanted something so bad in my whole life and to have that dream crushed was very hurtful.
After that final game my dad came up to me as I was bawling my eyes out and said “I’m proud of you.” I had never felt more overwhelmed with happiness in my life. I had longed to hear those words come out of my father’s mouth ever since I started to play sports. To hear him say that, I could have died right there and been the happiest kid on the Earth. To me my father’s respect and for him to be proud of me is the thing I longed for the most. I want him to be able to say with pride that I am his son.
In eighth grade I moved to a different school. It was brand new and all my friends came with me. It was a new year at a new school and we thought we were so cool, as eighth grades always do haha. My grades were as good as they had ever been. By this time I had given up soccer and only played baseball. My little league team had formed a club baseball team and everyone wanted me to be on it. The parents loved me and the players respected my talent. I felt loved and wanted more than ever. We began to play all eighth grade year together and eventually became the #1 team in all California for a long time. Most of us moved onto playing ball together in high school.
Freshmen year came and boy was that a fresh start. I felt like a grain of sand on a beach. First day of school I was so nervous, all the upper classmen would just stare me down trying to scare me. It was also in freshmen year that I got my first girlfriend. She went to a different school and I met her through a friend. Looking back on it now, that relationship was just bound to fail. I only saw her on the weekends because we both couldn’t drive. I’m not really sure why but I was always shy around her even though we were together and we talked on the phone all the time. I used to be a very shy kid, well with girls anyways. Even now I still get tongue tied and stutter sometimes when I talk but now I just laugh at myself haha. Anyways, she ended up breaking up with me because of that but we were still friends. And then of course I was able to talk to her! Imagine that.
It was around this time that I found out some information about my family. I was 14 and it was an ordinary day. I came home from school and started my homework. When it was time for dinner, my dad had something to tell us kids. I never thought in a million years I would hear what he was about to say. He told us that we had a half sister. He explained that he made the mistake of having sex before marriage with a girl he was dating. She got pregnant. My dad told her that he was not going to marry her based on just this, but that he would help support her and the child. They ended their relationship but my dad continued to support his daughter. When he told us this, I ran to my room crying. My sisters were too young to understand why but I had so many things going through my mind. I thought I was the oldest in the family and to find out that he had a daughter before me just crushed me. I thought I would be the oldest and the first. I had never met her until my grandma had cancer and was in the hospital. When I saw her, I didn’t want to meet her but I wasn’t going to be rude or mean so I say hi. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do. Turns out she was like 28 or something and she was married with a kid. My dad was a grandpa. That crushed me even more. Now I realized that when I have a kid, he/she will not be the first grandchild for my dad. I won’t be the first to get married. So many things that I would not be the first to share with my dad. I was depressed for a good while after that, up until I buried myself with baseball just so I could forget about it.
Baseball came around and I had made Junior Varsity. I was one of the four freshmen to do that. I soon found out that my teammates would try to fit in with the “cool/popular” bunch of kids at the school. They started to drink and party just so they could be recognized. I was never the one to just follow into that type of situation so I never hung out with my team unless it was on the baseball field. That baseball season I did the best on the team. I have the highest batting average, most RBIs, and even the most homeruns. It was a great year in baseball for me.
As for my spiritual growth, well that was at a zero. It had been at least four years and I still never looked back or thought about going back to church. Church and God were never in my head at all.
It wasn’t until sophomore year in high school that I went to church again but to a Christian church. By going back to church I remembered how I had felt those some years ago. My anger towards God came back and I refused to trust in the church again. They had put such a wound on my heart that I thought they could never patch up.
At this same time I was angry at the church, I was also angry with my parents. My mom was putting so much pressure on me about my grades and school, while my dad was pressuring me to work hard in baseball. I was so angry that I started to get depressed. I would stay in my room for hours in the dark, not wanting to do anything. At school I put on an act with all my friends, pretending to be all happy and my silly self. Once I got home I would just go straight to my room and shut the door. Sometimes I wouldn’t even eat! I was at a bad time in my life.
The baseball field was my only escape from reality. When I stepped out on that field it was as if nothing else could matter. It was my sanctuary. The only place I felt comfortable. No one knew that I was feeling the way I was because I had this ridiculous mask on. I guess I would consider myself an amazing actor because no one had the slightest clue, that or they just didn’t even care to ask me about it.
My emotions and feelings carried on into my junior year. I was depressed as ever. All my friends on the baseball team were still partying and now my group of buddies had all joined that scene as well. I never went for the whole party thing then; maybe it was because I was so depressed that I didn’t want to go out, I don’t know. The only one who didn’t ever go out with them was Matt. We were too much alike and never had an interest in that.
I got to the point to where I would think about what it would be like if I died. Would anyone care? Who I be missed? Would people even notice? I remember thinking everyone is just better off without me. Although I was thinking these things, I don’t think I would ever take my own life. I don’t think I would ever be able to do something like that. I did think a lot about if I were to get shot or when I was walking by a street, maybe a car will hit me. I felt like I was all alone and no one cared about me. This went on for a long time. And to tell you the truth, I don’t even know how or why these feelings all came to me.
I must say even with all this going on in my head, I still had the best year of baseball in my whole high school career. Although when I did do badly in a game it was not good. I started to punish myself for not doing well. Not eating for a day or two, not sleeping, and not even letting myself go in my own house until late hours of the night. I started being bitter towards my play if I struck out or didn’t throw someone out. My coach even gave me the nickname “Bitterman.” I was not proud of that nickname at all but that was just how I reacted to my bad play.
That summer after junior year I developed a “not caring” attitude. Care free if you will. hakuna matata (no worries). It has actually helped me a lot over these past years. This wasn’t like an “oh I don’t care about anyone” type of thing it was more of a way not to be so uptight and stressed out about everything. I was no longer depressed and I was once again happy. My relationship with my parents began to blossom again like a flower does after the winter. Things were really looking up. That summer my family and I had also gone to Chicago to visit my mom’s side of the family. It was while I was there where I had my first alcoholic drink. Everyone was asleep and I thought that since it was my senior year and all, I should cut loose and have fun with it. I took a shot of vodka for the very first time while everyone was asleep. I wanted to know what it was like to drink. Truthfully, I hated it so much. I didn’t understand how everyone enjoyed doing it. But I fell into the crowd and gave in to it all.
School starts and it’s senior year. I feel so refreshed to be back and to start the new year. By this time I was in the Advanced Placement art class, mainly because I had taken it every year in high school. This was the first year that I did not feel lazy about art and I put all my efforts into making the best art pieces that I could (they all didn’t look great). I found art to be another way for me to express myself freely and healthy. I had always been pretty good at art and I started taking it freshmen year just because I knew I could an A in the class, but I soon found out that it was one of the best therapeutic ways to relax. That class helped me a lot that year. I ended up winning the “Best Class Award” in an art fair. Out of all the schools out where I live, my picture was the best out of all the seniors. That gave me a lot of confidence in myself. I had always thought I was a slacker or a good for nothing type of person when it came to school but this award really made me try harder in school.
It was this year that I was invited to CBU for Senior Day. Senior Day was where the coaches invited the players they were interested in having them play at the school. I really had never even heard of CBU other than one of my teammates from sophomore year had gone there. I accepted the invitation and two of my teammates and I went to show them what we got! The day going there contained two parts, getting introduced to the campus and the caf and then we suit up and play some ball. There were two groups and I was in group 2. I ran the 60 yards really fast, I was throwing the ball well, things were looking great! When it came time for batting practice, all the other guys were trying to show their power they had but I remembered what my dad always told me “stay within yourself.” So that is exactly what I did. I knew I wasn’t a homerun hitter and I recognized that everyone was just pulling the ball, so I hit line drives the opposite way the whole time. In my group I was the only one that they asked to hit again so that the coach could watch my swing one more time. The coach came up to me and started talking to me about my contact information. A week later I got a call back from him and he said he was very interested in me and that he wanted to watch how my season went. That season I did very well and made All-League. They continued to show interest in me and I decided to commit myself to going to CBU. This was the only reason why I came to CBU in the beginning. I just wanted to play baseball in college and they made it sound like I would be able to play here.
School went on and the year was great. I knew where I was going to college and I wasn’t depressed anymore, things just seemed to be going well in my life.
It wasn’t until New Years of that year that I had actually been to a party. The funny thing was that I never really had the urge to go out and party but that was just what everyone was doing so that New Year I helped throw one of the biggest parties to this date where I live. It was at Matt’s house. Matt’s dad was out of town for two weeks so him, Kyle, and I called only one person about the party, our friend Shawn. We knew he was the only one we needed to call to get this thing going. Word got out and about 150 people came that night. Matt and I didn’t drink all that much because we wanted to make sure the house was ok and nothing would break. The music was blasting, people were dancing, there were drinking games going on, and to the more sober, the house ranked of alcohol. It was a fun night. Nothing was broken or missing. The next morning we cleaned up the house until it was spotless. There was no way anyone would find out.
When we went back to school that week, we were like celebrities. Everyone was coming up to us saying how much fun the party was. How we are “the kings.” Everyone was asking us about next weekend and if there would be another party. We told them no of course. We didn’t want to get caught, it was risky. When that Saturday came around, Matt’s dad was still gone. We looked around and at each other. Nodded and smiled. We knew what we were all thinking. We got all breakable things and locked them into his dad’s room. Called up some people and told them to spread the word. People came as fast as they could. This time even more people showed up, over 200 at least. This party was even more insane than the last. And for the first time ever I got drunk. I wasn’t belligerent or stupid but I do know that I was feeling the effects. I’m not going to lie…it made things fun and I instantly thought about doing it again.
Both theses parties were still being talked about two years after I graduated. Kind of sad.
From that point on I wanted to go to parties and since everyone knew me from the parties I helped throw, it made it that much easier. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t going out all the time to parties. I just would go to them sometimes now rather than just stay at home.
Graduation came and although I knew I would see all my friends still, I still managed to let some tears fall.
That summer I fell into a little more than just drinking. Sad to say it but I tried smoking weed for the first time. The worst part was that I tried it after I had been drinking. And even more worse, I drove to my friend’s house that night! I was so stupid. I thank God that nothing happened to me that night but even more that I didn’t hurt someone else! That summer I think I smoked a couple more times…maybe around three. I continued to drink and go to parties that summer thinking that I need to live it up before I leave all my friends for college.
College came fast and I had moved in late August to start practicing with the baseball team. I met my roommate (Brandon), who was on the baseball team too, and we introduced ourselves to each other. My first impression of him was right because he ended up being the best roommate I could have asked for. He had a very dry humor but it worked for him and for some reason it would always crack me up. We went on the freshmen retreat and I soon found out not to let people know what I was at CBU for. Whenever I would tell people that I was on the baseball team they would be like “ohhhh” and then just turn and walk away. I never knew how badly of a reputation baseball players had. People always seem to think of us as mean, cocky jerks that just like to drink and party all the time. But all my life people have always told me that I am not the “typical” baseball player. I have always thought I don’t fit in with the other guys just because of the way they talk and think so highly of themselves. And once I had come to school here I had stopped drinking too.
Anyways, Brandon and I were excited to start practicing but little did we know it was going to be so insane. There is a saying that we all have for our coach here, “There is recruiting Adcock and then there is Coach Adcock.” Coach was a completely different person from the meetings that I had with him.
To sum it all up, my schedule was wake up at 5 a.m. for weight training, go to class from 8-12, be out ready for practice by 12:30 (lunch was almost a never), from 12:30-about 7 we would practice (6 times a week), and sometimes we would even practice from 3:30-4 until 10-10:30. It was so hard to keep up with my grades/homework. Whenever I would read for a class I would just sit there looking at the book just to say that I “read” it and my homework consisted of getting through it as fast as I could so that I could sleep and just have something to turn in to my professors. On top of that, I had no time to socialize of have fun with my friends. So my grades were nothing but average and I failed my history class fall semester (first F ever!). Baseball was draining me to the very max! I didn’t know what to do but try even harder. And because I was trying so hard and how much we would practice, I think I was only not sick for 1 week of my whole fall semester. One of my teammates actually gave me the nickname Sickness because how often I was sick. To my surprise…it actually stuck with me. I felt like I was just dying because there was no time to gain my strength back but then I couldn’t stop practicing because then I would probably not be able to play in the games. On the up side, I was in the best shape of my life. I had a 6 pack goin’ and my stamina for running was amazing, especially for being so sick. I got through the semester being the only one to fail a class (I felt so dumb).
During this whole time I still had never gone to church once. I didn’t even like the chapels. I thought they were a waist of time. All I wanted to do was sleep in them because it was a break from everything going on. I never made fun of it or told anyone this jus because of the fact I didn’t want to be rude and just because I was angry with God and not sure what to believe, I didn’t want take it out on them.
When I came back for 2nd semester we started practicing right away. We had practice from 8-12, then had and hour off, then practiced again from 1-6. It was so exhausting. But, I was not sick anymore and I was playing better than I ever have. Skipping forward to the good part, I was batting 14 for 17 going into season and the coach said I had a very good start going into season. One day at practice, 3 days before season started, I was running the bases and I slide into home plate. I heard a loud POP POP POP. I hopped out of my slide and tried walking. As soon as I put pressure on my leg I collapsed to the floor and started rolling around in the most pain I had ever experienced. All the trainer could do was put ice on it and then a temporary removable cast on it. He took me to get an MRI the next day and they told me that I had torn the ligament holding my two shin bones together. So whenever I would try to take a step, my two shin bones would split apart which is why I could put ZERO pressure on it. I knew that was the end of the season for me. I decided to red shirt that season so that I could play for another remaining 4 years.
Not being able to play took a big toll on me. I was so angry that this had happened to me right before season and that I actually had a chance of starting. Not being able to practice or travel with the team anymore gave me a lot more free time. I was able to hang out with my friends here and get the grades I knew I could get. Unfortunately I started to drink sometimes again. I would go to my friend’s school in San Marcos and party with him a few times.
My best friend here at school, Nathan Yi, asked me one Sunday to go to Sandals church with him. I was like alright I guess I will go. I went and listened to the worship and message. I can’t quite remember what the message was but I do know that it was good enough to catch my attention to want to come back the next week. So I started going to church all over again, slowly regaining my trust back with the church. I don’t believe that I was saved then but I do know God was back in my life and working his wonders for the future in my life. My RA in the dorms asked me to be in a Discipleship group with him and 2 other guys on our hall. I really didn’t know what that meant but I was curious so I said yes. The other 2 guys were some of my best friends here at school, George White and Josh Mulvihill. I had learned and grown so much than I ever had because of this group. I could really feel that I was starting to forgive and let go for what I thought God did to me when I was young.
At that time I was such a hypocrite. Calling myself a Christian but still going out drinking. I didn’t think anything of it until one night I was drinking and I was with this girl. We would have had sex if it wasn’t for me stopping it. I said no at the last minute and said I was not going to do this. I remember Pastor Matt Brown talking about sex in one of his messages. One thing he said that stuck out was “do not have sex unless you are ready to be a parent” and I for sure know that I was not ready for that. That was the one and only time in my life where I had almost had sex. Before that time I never ever had a problem with anything like that. I am not the type of guy to just go around and hooking up with girls. I have more respect for them than that and the only person I would want to kiss would be my girlfriend and the only person I would want to have sex with is my wife. Plus I did not want to make the same mistake that my dad did. I think about that almost every day and that is my protection to not have sex before I am married.
So semester ended and my grades were decent and I was at home once again. I was growing so much compared to where my spiritual level was at before that semester. But once I came back home things fell apart very quickly. I started drinking with all my friends again, stopped going to church, things were just not going well at all. That summer I made another very stupid mistake. I got talked into doing shrooms (mushrooms) with some of my friends. They are like a hallucinogen that can really mess with your mind. It lasts for about 4 hours but it feels like a lifetime. At first I it was really funny after I ate them but then that soon went sour. About a third of the way into it I started burning really bad. I took off all my clothes and stood in front of a fan. My friend told me later that during that time it looked like I was having a seizure. He told me I was shaking a lot and then suddenly stopped and fell back onto the tile floor. As I was on the floor I would make sure I did not move. I didn’t want to go anywhere because I was freaking out. I would pat the floor and then look up at the ceiling to make sure I was still in the same spot. For the next 2 hours I prayed. Prayed that God help me through this and just let it pass. I said to Him that night “God, if you let me live through this I will never do any drug ever again!” as soon as I said that the mushrooms wore off and I was back to normal. After that night I started reading the Bible all the time and going to church just like I had been at the end of the semester. I was on a spiritual high going into sophomore year. As for doing any type of drugs again, I still stand strong to what I prayed to God that horrid night. And I plan to keep it that way for as long as I live. Never will I be tempted by drugs that the devil may throw in my face. I am a much stronger person than I was then. From that point on, I have been asked to smoke or do this or that by so many people, but my answer is always the same. No. I turn the other cheek to all that and do not look back. A lot of my friends still do drugs and when I hang out with them back home they always ask me if I want to smoke, I always say now but now instead of turning the cheek I try to inspire them to stop. I ask them questions why they are doing it all. I got one my best friends to quit smoking and he had got kicked out of college for growing marijuana in his dorm, so I think if I can get him to stop and get on track, why can’t I try for more. I currently have been talking to my other best friend about stopping smoking and any other drug he tries. Just last week I had talked to him about God and quitting smoking and he told me he was actually really considering stopping. He got in a car accident last Saturday and rolled his car 2 ½ times. He really thought a lot about what if he died and everything and what that meant to his family. I am going to continue to encourage him to stop it all and if I can talk to him more about the Lord. I need a lot of prayer for him and there is not a day that goes by where I don’t think about talking to him about it.
Coming back to school was a blessing. Just to get away from everything back home was a relief. I was on a spiritual high that year and I wanted nothing more than to continue to grow. One Sunday that year during the 7 o’clock service, Matt Brown was telling his message to us and it really hit home for me. For the first time ever, I started crying in church. After that service I went and walked to the baseball fields and sat there for at least 3 hours. Praying, thinking, crying. When I finally was able to get up, I walked to my apartment and asked Nathan to come down and watch tv with me. He was already in bed about to go to sleep but I begged him. I turned on the tv and then turned to him and started bawling my eyes out once again. I was just spilling my heart out to him about everything that had been going on and how I have this fiery passion building up inside of me about wanting to be a better follower of Christ. It was this night that I believe that I was truly saved.
Fast forward to junior year…
Last year I had the best time of my life and I am planning on topping it with this year so I really have to make this last year a memorable one. Although this year I had the most units and classes I have ever taken in each semester, it was also my most accomplished. I got the best grades out of all my years being here. My grades were great, I was having fun with my friends and I had a girlfriend, who I thought I was in love with, or what I thought love was at the time. I was head over heels for this girl. The only bad thing that I didn’t like about her was that she lived in Sacramento . I really did think I was in love with her. Talking on the phone every night for hours was amazing. As our relationship went on it was getting harder and harder for her to show her affection for me. Our phone calls got shorter, she wasn’t texting me that often, and when we did talk it seemed that she had nothing to say. I did everything I could to make it work. I drove up to Sacramento every other weekend in the fall semester. I even surprised her on her birthday by going up without her knowing. Then one night while I was up there I said something and her response was like she was just waiting for the right moment to cut loose on me. The very next day she told me she needs to think about things and whether or not we should be together. I drove those 7 hours back to school as the saddest guy in the world. When I got home I texted her saying I made it and she said I think we should not talk for a while because it will help her think better. I did as she asked but as the week went on I started to get fed up with her not making her decision. If she still wanted to be with me it wouldn’t take this long I thought. So I set myself up for a break up. I was right. A week of not talking to each other she calls me saying we should break up, I surprisingly was not sad at all. I actually chuckled in my head and said “I knew you were going to choose that all along.” I told her how it was not fair to me how she let it drag on but that I was relieved to hear those words come out of her mouth.
That coming up February I started dating this other girl. I thought she was amazing, but if felt like something was missing at the same time. We were together for 6 months and I broke up with her 2 weeks ago as of today. It was the hardest thing that I ever had to do because usually I am the one who is getting dumped. I decided to break up with her because my feelings were not growing for her at all anymore and I knew in my heart that they were not going to. I had prayed for over a month before I actually broke up with her. I prayed for our relationship every night but it just seemed that our relationship was just not supposed to be. We would argue all the time, as it got closer to the end we were arguing almost every night. Seeing her cry, I just couldn’t do it to her anymore. I decided to do the selfless thing and break up with her. I didn’t want to just lead her on having her think that things will get better. I felt like God had been telling me that this was not the right girl for me and that this relationship is not going to work. When I broke up with her she was mad and walked out my apartment door. SLAM! She sat in her car for 5 mins and then came back, she started telling me off in a nice way. I was so sad because I felt I had to do this. Tears were coming down like crazy. Well that is until she said “I regret ever going out with you.” My tears immediately stopped. I felt no pity for her anymore. I was upset but I did not show it. I said nothing to her and she left. Then 30 mins later and she asked me to come outside. She gave me a hug and said “I don’t regret us dating, I’m sorry I said that.” After that things were ok. I walked back in and had a sense that I made the right decision.
Now I am just on fire with the passion for the Lord and I hope to continue this flame burning within me. I am an RA in UP now and I am looking forward for what is in store for me this school year. I already have made so many new friends. I will continue to try and get to know you better and I am excited to see what you have planned for me!
